i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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