he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
