Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
try to milk me bitch
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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