my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
