1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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