So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
