it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize