just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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