Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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