ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
