Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
