I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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