Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
