Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
