At least make sure they are 18
Why
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wanna go halves on a baby?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
