i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
this hospital has no fireball
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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