So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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