I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
