i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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