for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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