Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
