My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
