I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
