I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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