There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
