Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
