I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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