if you like me you must not know who I am
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
