Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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