Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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