Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
