don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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