It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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