addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
