When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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