Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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