as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
