who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
