The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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