i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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