you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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