Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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