Kiss
Puke
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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