I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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