Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
