Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
