Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
