She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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