I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
