my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
