My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
