the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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