if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
