My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
