she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
