I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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