I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
