Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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