So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
