she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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