Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
