I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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