Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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