Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
