just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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