so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
