Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
