Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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