Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
