You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize