We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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