Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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