apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
