Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
