Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
